Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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