You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
