hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
