Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
