The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do vagina's smell?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
