Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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