May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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