cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
