I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize