You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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