My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
