Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
