I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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