dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
