He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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