I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
