guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
