Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
