You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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