he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
