i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
