nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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