Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
