It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
