He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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