the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
