She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
