What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize