I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize