You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
