hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
