is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
