I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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