i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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