dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
