just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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