he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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