If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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