You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize