I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
