A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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