pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
