i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
