The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
