PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
