I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
