Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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