Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
