Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
