in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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