A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
