btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
