we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
