The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
