He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
