just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
