I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
