last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
