I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
