dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize