birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The air taste purple.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
