girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
