Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
