please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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