bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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