I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
