i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My feet surprised me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
