Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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