All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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