You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
