Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
